


Life on Mars

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-20
Updated: 2005-03-20
Packaged: 2019-05-30 09:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15093836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: When President Hoynes makes a bad decision, his marriage runs into some trouble.





	Life on Mars

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Life On Mars**

**by: Kansas J. Miller**

**Character(s):** CJ, Hoynes, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** CJ/Hoynes  
**Category(s):** Angst, AU, Drama, Romance  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** First Lady CJ Cregg-Hoynes discovers her husband, John, is having an affair. 

It was snowing. Thick white flakes were drifting down, passing by the windows at an alarming speed; CJ Cregg was too far away to see if the accumulation was sticking to the streets, but at 5:30 in the morning, the grass on the South Lawn was coated. 

Shivering in her bare feet, CJ wrapped her arms more tightly about herself as she stood against the wall-length window of the master bedroom. The outdoor security floodlights that burned all night were still blazing, illuminating the Truman balcony, the lawn, and the massive drafts of snow that were swirling across the District. CJ didn't think that the children would have school. 

As she allowed the heavy drapery to fall back across the window, a shadow crossed the bed, and John Hoynes' sleeping form was masked in darkness. CJ had again won the race against her alarm, and so with slow deliberation, she crossed the room and found her warmest bathrobe. Tying the belt around her waist as she stepped into slippers, CJ shivered again and stepped out into the hallway, carefully closing the bedroom door behind her. 

The hallway was dim and quiet. The two children's bedrooms were dark and silent, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, CJ found herself in the main living area of the still, quiet, motionless White House Residence. 

"Good morning, Mrs. Hoynes," said Matthew, the age-old porter who had worked in the White House for five Presidents. He was punctual; he knew that the First Lady was always awake before her alarm, and today, like every other, he brought in the coffee cart with the newspapers. 

"'Morning, Matthew," CJ replied tiredly as she motioned him over. "Would you please do me a favor and find out about school closings? I want to let the kids sleep, if they can." 

Matthew nodded his head formally, turned, and left CJ alone with the silver coffee service. Sighing almost inaudibly, she settled on the low sofa while Matthew let himself out. Immediately stretching for the television remote, CJ flipped the set on to CNN before pouring out a steaming cup of dark, strong coffee. 

The news was repetitive, overly focused on the many large snowstorms that had been blanketing the Eastern Seaboard all winter; 2013 could lay claim to the snowiest January in 50 years. CJ watched blankly, blue television light dancing over her face as she sipped at the bitter, black caffeine. There was fresh fruit and Danishes on the cart, but CJ ignored the food as she listened to the soft sounds of the news. 

"Mrs. Hoynes?" Matthew importantly poked his head into the room, his voice a husky murmur. "All D.C. schools, public and private, have already closed for the day." 

CJ nodded at Matthew as she stood. "Thank you so much. I'm glad you were able to get in all right." 

As Matthew left her alone, CJ finished her cup of coffee and poured another, hoping that John would be awake when she re-entered their bedroom. Leaving the television news rambling on screen, CJ headed down the hallway, retracing her earlier steps. 

The familiar coffee aroma wafted strongly into the bedroom as CJ carefully maneuvered her way inside, the steaming cup warming her hands. John stirred a bit, rolling over in time to catch his wife's blue eyes. He smiled. "Please say that's for me." 

CJ gently sat down on the mattress beside her husband, holding the coffee steady as John sat up. When he was settled, she pressed the mug into his hands. "It is. It's snowing. The kids don't have school. I thought you might want something warm." 

John took a long gulp of the steaming liquid, the smell, and taste already waking him. "It's good," he proclaimed, staring down into the mug. "No school?" 

CJ smiled, briefly reminiscing about snow days in Ohio. "No school." 

John set the mug down on the side table and turned towards his wife with a curious grin. "How come it can't be like that for me? It's snowing, no work." 

"You live where you work. Accessibility isn't a problem," CJ pointed out with a grin. 

John shrugged and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn. "What about Bruce? I don't want him skidding off the roads or something. Despite all appearances to the contrary, I really do need a Chief-of-Staff," he said mock-seriously. 

CJ snorted. "I think the massive four-wheel-drive truck thing that Bruce drives will keep him safe." 

John smirked and threw aside the warm comforter. It was time to get out of bed. "That's a Tahoe, Claudia Jean, and we're getting one when we head back to Texas in two years." 

CJ raised her eyebrows noncommittally. She didn't want to think about the end of the Administration, though John was exactly halfway through his second term. "Whatever. I'm going to get a shower. Try and stay quiet - I want the kids to sleep this morning." 

John replied with a silent nod, collecting an oxford and pants from the closet while CJ headed for the bathroom. Outside, the snowfall intensified, blanketing the world with white. 

~*~ 

Bruce Mayer had been in his office for two hours when he realized that not many other staffers would be coming in. It was his practice to arrive before 6:00, and though it had been snowing during his drive in, Bruce hadn't predicted that so much would accumulate by 8. 

"Is the President in the Oval Office?" 

Bruce looked up from the overnight security updates to find Sam Seaborn loitering in the doorway to his office. Bruce removed the glasses from his broad, mustached face. "He's taking his time this morning with the kids - I told him there wasn't much rush, seeing as most of the government is already closed.” 

Sam shook his head. "We've actually got a few Senior Staff in today." 

Bruce looked mildly surprised. "Who?" 

Sam shrugged disinterestedly. "You, me, and Bill," he said, mentioning the Press Secretary. "But Karen called out." 

Bruce stood up. "That's fine. We don't need any nonessential personnel in today." 

Sam cocked his head towards the offices. "There's some press here, but I'll let Bill take care of them. I'm going to send my staff home before they get stuck here." 

"Fine," Bruce approved. "I'll call you if the President wants to meet." 

As Sam exited the office, Bruce stood up, stretched his arms, and walked over to his connecting door to the Oval Office. As the snow continued falling diligently down outside of the windows, Bruce opened the connecting door and propped it wide. He would hear as soon as John came down. 

~*~ 

"No, it's fine, Donna. I don't want you to drive in this blizzard, either." CJ cradled the phone against her ear. John was in the dining room with Addison and Riley Hoynes, who were enjoying scrambled eggs and an unexpected day off. "Oh, good, I'm glad. We don't need everyone getting in auto accidents. Tell Josh I said hello, sure, I'll talk to you later." CJ smiled and replaced the phone. 

CJ left the living room and rejoined her family. John looked up from a spoonful of oatmeal. "See, no one else has to work except for me." 

Riley, who was still dressed in his favorite flannel pajamas, put his knees on his chair and leaned forward. Waving a crispy strip of bacon at his father, the six-year-old illustrated his point. "Dad, you're the leader of the whole country. You can't just stop working 'cause of snow." 

"You tell him, Riley." CJ grinned, sitting down across from her unruly-haired daughter, who was still a bit too short to properly reach the table. "Adds, you're dribbling juice down your chin, Honey. Here." 

While Addy scooted up in her seat, taking the napkin proffered by her mother, John continued his argument. "I'm just saying, there should be unexpected vacation days for me, too. But no," he turned purposefully towards CJ, "I have to fix Bill's screw up today." 

CJ, still monitoring Addy's clean up job, nodded with only slight interest. Since her failed Senate campaign, she had been drastically out of the political loop, barely keeping track of the action. "Oh, the foreign ops bill thing?" 

John snorted, leaning his arms on the polished table. "Right. The Post was so pissed at Bill's misinformation that he had to promise goodies to Danny Concannon and Katie Witt. They were going to write, as Bill put it, 'scathing editorials'. Bruce just called; it must be my lucky day." John's voice was dripping in sarcasm. "Katie and Danny are in the building today. I have to spend my snow day giving on-the-record time to these people." 

CJ shrugged at her husband. "Well, isn't that better than 'scathing editorials' about the incompetence of the press office?" 

John grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I don't know. I've just been pissed at Bill. Lately, I think we'd be better off with Riley doing the briefings." 

CJ chuckled and looked to Addy as the pretty, soft spoken girl raised her voice. "Mommy, can we play in the snow?" The advanced, four-year-old kindergartener's eyes were wide with the possibility. 

"Yeah, if it's good packing snow, we can make a huge fort!" Riley shouted, almost knocking down his chair as he bucked forward in excitement. 

"Whoa, inside voices, Ri," CJ gently reminded her son with a smile, putting her finger to her own lips. "And sit down. Otherwise, you'll fall and bump your head. Then you can forget about the fort." 

John looked between his two children and couldn't hold back his smile. They were so wonderful; he couldn't have adored them any more. But he had to go down to the office. With a resigned groan, John stood up. "I guess I'll go and get this over with. I won't work all day," he promised, eyeing Addy and Riley with a genuine smile. "Wait for me before you go out into the snow." John nodded pointedly. "I'll help you build that fort." 

"That'll be nice," CJ grinned at her children, pleased at their excited expressions. Addy happily returned to her breakfast, and Riley continued to kneel eagerly forward in his chair. CJ jumped slightly when John placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her ear. "I love you," John whispered, smiling against CJ's cheek. 

"Mmmhmm," CJ nodded, briefly patting John's hand. She felt him move away, and CJ again smiled over at the children. "Finish up your breakfast, guys, and we'll play games until Daddy's ready to go outside." 

John walked out of the room, wondering about his wife. It had been three months and an entire holiday season since she'd returned from her Texas campaign. CJ was no longer the busy First Lady that she had once been, choosing instead to dote on the children and spend her time being a mother. There had been a few interviews and appearances here and there, but most of her "working" time had been spent with Toby Zeigler. He was deep in the throes of writing his first book. It had begun as a detailed chronicle of Toby's long relationship with CJ, but when CJ had gotten involved in the fine-print, nitty-gritty details of what he was writing, the project had changed direction. It was turning into CJ's autobiography, "as told to" Toby. It was going to be a tell-all, a best seller. 

John knew it was going to be an excellent read - CJ and Toby were putting more than enough time into it - Toby had even left Andi and the twins in New York in order to rent an apartment in D.C. - the project certainly would not fail for a lack of effort. 

CJ was also putting more than enough effort into her children; it was more than either of them had ever experienced in their short lives. Addy and Riley couldn't have been happier to have their mother in their lives full time, but it worried John. On the outside, it seemed as if everything was running so smoothly - CJ had done a complete one-eighty after the campaign, turning her workaholic self into a completely new and relaxed woman. Nonetheless, John wasn't sure if she was doing these things out of distraction or depression. Or it could have been that she was really, truly pleased with the new direction her life was taking. Either way, the couple was growing apart. It was apparent to John that CJ was putting less and less time into her marriage - it *had* been nearly ten years, and everyone was allowed a change of pace. Still, John wasn't sure if what was happening was a good thing. 

Shutting the living room door behind him, John shook his head and decided to forget about the nagging inside of him. It was only stress and tension, nothing that an afternoon in the snow with his kids wouldn't fix. John nodded at his agents and headed down to the Oval Office. 

~*~ 

"You wanna come over?" CJ suggested, tucking her feet under her body as she cradled the cordless phone against her ear. "We're not doing anything. John's giving interviews to the Post, and then he's taking the kids out into the snow. We can drink beer and go over those old tapes." 

CJ heard wariness in Toby's contemplation of her invitation. "I don't know, CJ. It sounds good, but the mayor said we're not supposed to be out on the roads. It's still coming down pretty hard." 

CJ sighed with mock-exasperation. "Oh, *come on* Toby. I think that as a direct relative to the President of the United States, I outrank the mayor. And besides, I don't want you to watch those old briefings and press conferences without me. Funny stuff like that merits company!" 

Toby had a grin in his voice. "I'm mostly looking forward to seeing The Many Hair-Do's of CJ Cregg." 

"Shut up; I keep up with the trends," CJ defended, laughter on the rise. She smiled. "I don't know why you're so hell-bent on getting accurate quotes from fifteen-year-old campaign briefings. We could make the stuff up and people would be none the wiser." 

Toby smirked, his voice dead serious. "We have to do our homework." 

"Whatever you say, Tobus." CJ grinned. Movement in the doorway to her study caught CJ's eye and she shook her head. "I have to go. Feel free to drop by." 

"I think I'm just going to write some more on the early sections. I'll call you tonight," Toby promised, waiting until he heard CJ's 'goodbye' before hanging up the phone. 

After replacing the receiver, CJ turned towards the door. "Janine, hi. I didn't know you were in today." 

The President's young assistant looked over her glasses at the First Lady and smiled. "Yes, Ma'am. I got here early this morning. The President asked me to send up a message for you." 

CJ stood up and nodded. "Sure." 

"His interviews with Danny Concannon and Katie Witt are taking longer than he anticipated. He says you should let the children out to play in the snow without him - he doesn't want them to wait all day." 

CJ frowned. "Thank you." She nodded, watching as Janine quickly retreated from the Residence study. 

As she turned around and pushed the desk chair in, CJ shook her head. The kids were going to be so disappointed. Oh well, CJ sighed as she went in search of the children's snow suits. At least John was have a productive day at the office. 

~*~ 

Addy was asleep on the floor in a tight little ball, her thumb tucked securely inside her mouth. Riley was on the verge of sleep, himself. As cartoons played across the television, CJ noticed his eyes drooping and his head falling lazily against the sofa cushions. 

Two small snow suits and two pairs of boots were drip-drying in the laundry room, and outside; the South Lawn was decorated with dozens of Addy-sized snowmen. There were remnants of a fort and the snow ball fight, and thousands of little footprints littered the lawn. 

The children were exhausted, and after feeding them dinner and hot chocolate, CJ had put the two in front of the television, biding her time until they dropped off. There was a relaxed, sleepy air about the room, and as she checked her watch again, CJ considered putting her babies in their beds. 

It was nearly seven-thirty, and John still had not appeared. CJ was only slightly concerned; he often became so wrapped up in work that he lost sense of time. Today, however, there had not been a lot on his schedule, and CJ hoped that everything was all right. 

The phone rang sharply, abruptly, and CJ lunged across the couch, wanting to get the receiver before it could wake up her sleeping children. The phone did not ring twice. 

"Hello?" CJ answered softly, hoping it would be John. 

"CJ, do you remember if it was Leo or Josh you met with on that first day in Manchester? I wasn't there." 

CJ sighed, a grin parting her lips as she rolled her eyes. She stood up, taking the cordless unit with her as she moved into the hallway. "Toby, you have to relax. These details are so incredibly mundane." 

"I don't wanna get it wrong!" Toby whined, eliciting laughter from CJ. 

"It was Josh, and he was wearing a Tasmanian Devil tie." She smirked as she recalled the scene. CJ had never quite taken Josh seriously after that. 

"You remember what kind of tie he was wearing?" Toby sounded momentarily perplexed. "Listen, we have to get together sometime this week because I need more narrative from you. I've already written the three latest chapters that we were working on." 

"I'll have plenty of open time, just talk to Margaret." CJ shook her head, amused. "I have to go." 

CJ chuckled as she hit the 'off' button on the cordless phone; Toby was far too excited about writing this book. As CJ spun around to return to the living room, she was met face to face with John. "Oh!" she cried, startled. "Honey! I didn't hear you come in." 

John raised his eyebrows, unsmiling. "You were on the phone." 

CJ watched as John slipped past her, towards the bedroom. "Yeah. Toby again, with another obsessive question about the book." John had disappeared into the room, silence surrounding him. CJ took note and cocked her head, questions on her mind. She wanted to ask him why he'd broken his promise to take the kids outside, but sensed instead that something was wrong. "John? Did something happen? Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," he replied, his voice muffled from inside the bedroom. 

CJ twisted her mouth up and walked down the hallway, lingering in the doorway. John was unbuttoning his white oxford, his tie already shed and lying on the bed. "I'm fine," he said, irritation in his eyes and voice. "Don't stare at me like that." 

CJ smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. "Geez, something sure put you in a mood." She shook her head, a tired smile on her face. "I can take a hint, I'll leave you alone. I'm going to put the kids in bed; they pooped themselves out." 

John grumbled something inaudible, and CJ rolled her eyes. They had been married long enough for CJ to know when to step out of John's way. He'd tell her what was wrong when he wanted to. 

~*~ 

"Don't eat my fries." 

"They're really good fries." 

"Margaret! Stop eating my fries!" Donna cried again, laughing as she moved her plate out of the redhead's reach. 

"Donna's eating for two, remember?" Carol grinned, stuffing a forkful of salad into her mouth. 

CJ chuckled. "That's just an excuse to pig out on junk food," she said, pointing her own fry at the girls. "A well-used one, in my case." 

Margaret began snitching fries off of CJ's plate as she turned to Donna. "Exactly when are you due?" 

Donna smiled proudly. "June the fourth. Josh is so obsessed. He has a countdown going on a huge calendar. He pinned it to the kitchen wall and keeps scratching out the days with a red marker." 

CJ rolled her eyes at Margaret and put all of her remaining French fries on the redhead's plate. Margaret's expression grew pleased while CJ looked over at Donna. "Hey, maybe your baby will have the same birthday as Addy." 

"Aww," Carol crooned. "You could have joint birthday parties." 

At that moment, the phone rang on CJ's desk. Carol hopped up from the round table where the four were eating lunch. "Mrs. Hoynes' office, yeah, I'll tell her. Thanks, Janine." 

Carol returned to the table, where CJ waited with a raised brow. The brunette cocked her head as she sat down. "The President can't make it to the school thing with you tonight." 

CJ squinted her eyes, displeasure covering her face. "And he sends that message up through Janine? What the hell is his problem?" she muttered, raising her eyes to the ceiling. 

Margaret averted her gaze, never comfortable discussing, or conjecturing with CJ about her private life. Carol shrugged while Donna leaned forward. "What the hell *is* his problem?" she asked curiously, not having heard a word about any kind of trouble. 

CJ waved her hand through the air, as if to dismiss her concern's importance. "It's nothing, really, except for the past two weeks he's been so out of sorts. He's working a lot of long hours - leaving early, coming in late. He's distant, he's stressed out. I didn't realize this was such a busy time of year." 

Carol considered this. "Maybe it's the Russia trip next week?" 

Donna nodded. "Also, there have been a lot of problems in the Press Office - this is just a rumor, but Sam didn't deny it when I spoke with him - I think Bruce is considering bringing in a new Press Secretary." 

CJ's eyes went wide. "Are you serious? Wow, I've really been out of the loop." 

Margaret shook her head in agreement. "It's a lot of work staying in that loop. I personally think you've been much happier since Texas - you've been laying low, and that's a good thing." 

CJ averted her eyes shyly. "I lost a high profile campaign for the United States Senate - you guys know how awful it was for me in the press after that. Laying low has been the best thing. I'm glad to be working on this book with Toby, and I like spending more time with the kids. They're happier, too." 

Everyone nodded their agreement. Carol speared a tomato and looked up at CJ. "What's the thing at the school?" 

CJ chuckled. "It's parent night for kindergarten and first grade. They do it each quarter - you get to visit the classrooms, see what the kids are up to and talk to the teachers." Her smile vanished. "I was hoping John could make it, that way each of us could go to one classroom. Oh, well," she shrugged, attempting to brush off her emotion. "It'll be fine." 

"Gosh, imagine if you were a couple of normal parents and you walked into the kindergarten room and saw the President of the United States checking out the finger paintings" Margaret grinned, starry-eyed. 

CJ's jaw dropped with mock-surprise. "Hey! We *are* normal parents!" 

As the girls' laughter died away, CJ looked down at her empty lunch plate, feeling inwardly unsettled about John's message. If she didn't know better, she'd have thought that her husband was avoiding her. She shook her head and stood up. "I'm going to get on the phone with Toby." 

Carol, Donna, and Margaret stood up and collected their lunchtime trash. They all noticed the immediate shift in CJ's mood after the message from Janine, but it didn't worry anyone too greatly; things were tense in the Oval Office at any given time of the day, week, month, or year. For over six years, and well before that, John Hoynes had been too busy for his own good. CJ would get over it this time, like she had done many times before. * 

~*~ 

"When I met Josiah Bartlet, the first thing that struck me was not his brilliant mind or his incredible talent for public speaking. It wasn't his charm or personality, or the friendly, strong demeanor that we would all grow to love. The first thing that struck me was how much taller I was than-" 

"Toby!" CJ shrieked with laughter, cutting her writer friend off mid-sentence as he read from a rough draft copy of her autobiography. "No way! That does not get in the book!" 

Toby was grinning ear to ear under his beard. His eyes were shining. "Sit there, CJ, just sit there and try to tell me that the first thing you noticed about him was his brilliant mind." 

CJ fought with all her might against her laughter, but failed. After finally catching her breath, she sighed. "I won't deny that I tower over him, but do we really need to put it in the book?" 

"It's funny," Toby conjectured, his mood light and his voice even lighter. "You know, I've gotta say, I'm having a lot of fun writing from your point of view, here." 

"You did it for almost a year when you wrote my speeches in Texas," CJ reminded him, sipping at coffee, hot inside of a paper cup. With a yawn, she set the cup down on the table and stretched out her arms. "Gosh, how long have we been working on this?" 

Toby looked around CJ's spacious office until he found the clock. "Three hours. You need to quit? Go get dinner with your husband and we can start again afterwards." 

CJ bit her lip and leaned forward against the table, cradling her chin in her hand. "I think I'll just eat with you. John's been a little weird lately and I don't want to interrupt him when he's downstairs." 

Toby closed the folder containing the computer printout book drafts. "Weird? What does that mean?" 

"It means" CJ sighed, exasperated. "I don't know, he's not talking with me as much as he usually does. He's been distant; he's been avoiding family time. Three weeks ago, he worked through the snow day. Last week, he blew of a thing at the kids' school. He's been sending me messages through Janine, and he's been holing himself up with work." 

Toby ran his hand over his smooth head, eyeing CJ calmly. "They leave for Russia on Friday - that's high stakes, CJ. Don't read too much into things." 

CJ put on a forced smile. "I know." She shook her head, her smile fading. "I think it actually might be me - ever since the campaign ended I've pretty much been a stay-at-home mother. I haven't done anything political, and we've been working on this book. My focus has changed, and I don't think I'm on the same page with John anymore, work-wise." 

Toby shook his head and smiled gently, covering CJ's hand with his palm. "And you know what? You've never looked more happy and relaxed. You've never looked more beautiful in the many, many years I've known you, CJ." 

CJ turned her hand over until she could lace her fingers through Toby's. Her smile was genuine this time. "Thank you, so much," she sighed, squeezing his hand. "That's a nice thing to say." 

"It's true. Now go downstairs and have dinner with your husband. I'll be in the Mess for an hour, okay?" 

CJ grinned and let her hand fall away from Toby's. With a quick wink of thanks, she opened her office door and headed towards the West Wing. 

~*~ 

Bruce thought he might chop someone's head to bits. He was truly ready to blow when Sam entered his darkened office, late Thursday night. 

"Hey, man, are you going to go home?" Sam looked exhausted as he pointed at the clocks on the wall. "We've gotta be at Andrew's in six hours." 

Bruce grunted. "Do you see my luggage sitting in the corner? That should answer your question." 

Sam's eyes widened as he walked into the room. "Bruce, seriously, you need to sleep before we get on the plane." 

"I have too much to worry about for sleep," Bruce muttered. "I have Bill getting facts wrong in the press, I have an unidentified leak from Karen's office, and I have President Mysterious to worry about for the next six days in Moscow!" 

Sam sat down in a heap on one of the guest chairs. He looked across Bruce's desk. "President Mysterious. Do you know what's going on?" 

Bruce looked up, bleary-eyed. "All I know is that he's been locking himself up in his study for at least an hour each day. He goes in there at some point, shuts the door, and has all of his calls held. I don't know what he's doing. He's clearing time on the schedule and not telling Janine what for." 

Sam shifted his eyes. "Is that unusual for him to be doing? I really wouldn't know." 

Bruce nodded confidently, wryly. "Yeah. And I'll bet good money he's not planning my surprise party." 

Sam yawned and stood up. "Just ask him - we've got better things to worry about. I'm sure it's nothing. Listen, I just dropped by to let you know that I'm outta here. I'll see you at Andrew's. Half past five?" 

Bruce caught Sam's yawn, and his mouth widened. "Five thirty," he confirmed through the large yawn. "I'll see you on the plane." 

~*~ 

"Shh, Sweetheart, shh" CJ whispered, gently rubbing circles on Addy's back. The girl's curly hair was splayed out over the pink pillows in her soft double bed, and though the room was dim and calm, the four-year-old would not sleep. "It's gonna be okay, don't worry," CJ tried again, soothingly. 

"But I want Daddy," Addy whimpered, her words mumbled due to the thumb in her mouth. 

CJ frowned, feeling desperate as more tears escaped the little girl's eyes, her sobbing soft, and quiet. "Honey, don't cry! He'll be home in three days. And in the meantime, you have school tomorrow, and lots of other things to keep you busy until he gets back." 

Addy responded with a loud sniffle. CJ continued to rub her back, never realizing just how greatly attached Addy was to her father; John was equally as enamored with his daughter, doting on the girl at every opportunity. It had been a while since John had gone on a trip without his family. 

Addy suddenly rolled over onto her back, her wet, red eyes staring up into CJ's. "Can we please call him on the phone?" she begged in a tiny voice. "Please?" 

CJ looked at the clock, considering. It was nearly eleven o'clock, which meant seven in the morning, Moscow time. John would be up. "Sure," CJ's nod and smile were exaggerated. "We sure can if that will make you happy." 

CJ scooped her daughter up and carried her out of the bedroom, across the hallway into CJ and John's master bedroom. With a kiss to her cheek, CJ set Addy down on the bed. "After you talk to Daddy, do you promise to sleep?" 

Addy nodded vigorously, a smile creasing her face. She wiped at her wet eyes and watched as CJ began to dial the phone. As she waited for the White House switchboard operator, CJ sat down beside her daughter and took the four-year-old's hand. "Good evening, Cindy. This is Mrs. Hoynes. Could you please put me through to their main line in Russia? Thank you." 

CJ gave a reassuring smile to Addy, who was looking eagerly on. Janine must have been manning the phone in Moscow, for her voice suddenly came through the line. "Good morning, Mrs. Hoynes," she offered, her voice carrying a hint of hesitation. "Rather, I should say good evening." 

CJ smiled. "Yes. I'm sorry; I know it's early over there. Could you locate the President for me, please? I have a very unhappy four-year-old who won't go to bed until she talks to her Daddy." 

Janine chuckled nervously and hesitated a moment. "Well, ah Ma'am, the President just a few moments ago finished breakfast and returned to his suite. He asked to have all of his calls held, and to not be disturbed until the schedule begins in an hour." 

CJ was incredulous. "Well, Janine, I really don't think he'd be too upset if you put my call through. Please," she directed in what she hoped was a stern voice. CJ felt her stomach flipping; this was just another instance in the long list of avoidances John had shoved her way in the past month. What was going on? 

CJ could practically hear Janine swallowing in fear. "Ma'am, I'm really- He specifically instructed me to…I really don't feel comfortable - " 

CJ felt her patience snap. "Janine, I don't give a damn if you feel comfortable or not. Put my call through. Now." 

CJ looked at Addy. Her small expression had turned to worry, as she perceived trouble. CJ squeezed her hand, feeling slightly guilty for projecting her irritation onto Janine. The line was on hold, and CJ felt her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for her husband to pick up. 

His voice was husky and deep when he finally got on the line. "Claudia?" 

"What the hell, John?" CJ cried, her voice involuntarily rising with stress, as she demanded an explanation. "I didn't know it was practice to hold calls from your wife and daughter!" 

John cleared his throat, and CJ thought she heard the whispered sounds of rustling sheets. "Claudia, I'm so sorry, I was just taking some private time away from the staff. I didn't intend Janine to hold a call from you. Is Addy okay?" 

CJ softened, taking a deep breath. He sounded genuinely contrite. "Oh, she just misses you so much, John. She was crying and she won't sleep until she speaks to you." 

There was more noise over the line. CJ imagined John sitting up and pushing aside the sheets. She ignored her curiosity over why he was in bed again *after* breakfast. John's voice was rushed when he responded. "Let me talk to her - I miss her, too." 

"Do you miss me?" CJ couldn't help but asking the question, feeling slightly ridiculous as the words left her mouth. Still, he wasn't really acting like he normally would, and unexplained panic was taking over. 

John's words were rushed. "Of course I do, Sweetheart. Put Addy on, hmm?" 

CJ said nothing to John before she handed the phone to her little girl. John's manner seemed so unusual to CJ; there was something desperately strange going on, but CJ didn't have the energy or the inclination to question him across eight time zones. She forced a smile for Addy. "Here, Baby, talk to your father. Hang up when you're through - I'm going to check on your brother." 

Addy nodded, twisted her mouth up, and took the phone. As she pressed the receiver against her ear, she watched her mother walk out of the room. "Hiya, Daddy" 

~*~ 

CJ rubbed her temples, a headache searing through her brain as she tried to focus her eyes on the computer print-outs in front of her. Toby had faxed over twelve more pages from the book, and though CJ wanted to read through it all, the words were nothing more than black and white puddles on the page. 

With a sigh, CJ shoved the paper aside and leaned back in her chair, groaning as the intercom buzzed. Carol's voice streamed through. "Donna wants to 

come in, is that okay?" 

"Yeah," CJ muttered, reaching behind her to shut the blinds - and the sunlight that was piercing at her eyes. 

A moment later, as CJ sat with her eyes closed, the blonde mother-to-be walked through the office door. Her voice was soft when she spoke. "Hey, did you get any sleep last night?" 

CJ cracked her eyes open. "Hardly any, and none the night before. I'm so irritable, too - I was screaming at the kids this morning for absolutely no reason. But I don't know what's going on with John - I'm entirely too preoccupied with why things seemed to have changed," she muttered, leaning forward. 

Donna sat down opposite her boss. She leveled her eyes. "CJ, I'll tell you the truth, as I see it. Things between you and the President started changing a long time ago." 

CJ raised a brow in silent question. Donna continued, her words pointed. "The campaign in Texas. How many bad fights did you have over that? You pushed him into the pool and he left the next morning with your children. You didn't speak to each other for weeks! It's a ten-year marriage, CJ, and you both do high-stress things for a living. The relationship is bound to change, but I know the way you feel about each other. You guys have the real thing. Just like Josh and me." 

CJ frowned, her eyes wandering over to the family portrait she had on her desk. It had been taken over Christmas. The children were beautiful, and she and John looked genuinely happy to be with one another. CJ looked to Donna. "You're right, we're just evolving, I guess. I don't know why I'm so upset to realize that he doesn't lean on me as much as he used to. And I suppose I don't need him so much, either." 

"It'll get better - easier," Donna promised, leaning forward. She drummed her hands on the desk and hesitated a moment. "Listen, I didn't come in here to make small talk or ask how you are, although you know how much I care." 

"Oh, you want some baby advice?" CJ smiled softly. 

Donna suddenly looked worried and uncomfortable. "Later, please. I came in to tell you that Danny Concannon is here - he left the press pool in Russia and came to me as soon as he landed at National. He says it's absolutely imperative that he get to see you." 

CJ looked curiously at Donna. "So? Why do you look so stressed out about that? Its just Danny." 

Donna sat back and sighed, her hands falling over her slightly pregnant stomach. "I'm just not sure it's going to be good news. He left the Russia trip early - that's a big deal. He came right to the White House, and he's saying he's got something you need to hear. I don't know what to think when Danny acts this way - remember the alcoholism?" 

CJ swallowed hard. Donna was right. The redhead had approached CJ after John's first State of the Union address, revealing that he knew of the President's concealed alcoholism. Because of Danny Concannon, the entire world had learned the controversial news. Though the scandal had only been mild, it had affected the West Wing for a very long time. 

"Well, send him in to see me, then," CJ said weakly, feeling her stomach flutter as worry came over her. 

Donna stood up, her eyes wide. "I'll get him." 

CJ watched as Donna slipped past the door and out into the main area of the office suite. What could Danny have to tell her that warranted early leave from an international trip with the President of the United States? He was one of two Post reporters doing the major coverage of this trip; Danny wouldn't abandon his job unless it was important. What could possibly be so pressing? CJ swallowed again, her mouth dry and her hands cold. Danny was walking through her office door, and he did not have a smile on his face. * 

~*~ 

CJ knew it wouldn't take much for her to start crying. She also knew it wouldn't be too hard to lose the contents of her stomach, but she managed to refrain from doing either; she was strong, damn-it, and she wasn't going to let anything stop her from remaining calm. She took a sip of the morning's cold coffee, and she looked Danny in the eye. 

"You wouldn't tell me that unless you were one hundred percent sure," she stated, her voice sounding shaky to her own ears. CJ felt her stomach roll and she knew her face had turned pale. 

Danny took a deep breath, his expression sympathetic. "I wouldn't tell it to you, CJ, unless I saw it with my own eyes. And I did." 

His voice was so characteristically confident that CJ felt her heart jolt, just like it had at the first revelation of this unsettling news just moments ago. CJ let herself settle down a bit before she responded. "You saw my husband with Katie Witt. The same Katie who was in my press room for years" CJ trailed, her voice fading to a whisper as she thought of the pretty, young blonde reporter. 

Danny nodded. "They're sleeping together, CJ. I knew you didn't have any clue. I had to tell you, and I'm sorry to be the one to bring you this kind of news, but I didn't feel right not -" 

CJ waved her hand through the air, cutting him off. "No, I appreciate it. Thank you," she murmured, in disbelief over so many things, her mind muddled and uncomprehending of the fact that she was thanking Danny for this bad news. 

Danny watched uncomfortably as CJ's eyes grew out of focus; she was staring down at her lap, seemingly willing her eyes not to fill and spill with tears. The redhead stood up, his heart full of heaviness. He had been distraught for endless hours over what to do with his discovery - CJ deserved to know that John Hoynes was having an affair, but Danny had been unsure of his place. Deep down, he knew he'd done the right thing, but he still felt dirty and tainted. 

CJ looked up as Danny reached the door. "Danny?" she asked shyly, her voice uncharacteristically small. "You're not going to write about this, are you?" 

Danny put his hand on the knob and focused his clear eyes on CJ's blurry pair. If it had been any other woman, Danny could not have answered the question. But this was CJ Cregg, and he'd always loved her dearly. "No," he said firmly. "You won't see this in my paper." 

With that, Concannon walked out of the office, shutting the First Lady's door behind him with a soft but final click. CJ stared around her office, her heart throbbing inside of her chest. 

John was having an affair - a sexual relationship with another woman. He was fucking someone, and not just anyone - someone that CJ knew and respected as both a person and a journalist. Why? When had she and John fallen apart so badly that he would turn to someone else? And why had CJ missed the signs? Why hadn't she known of her husband's restlessness? Was he so unhappy with her that he'd break the trust that they had always shared? How could he do this to her? And how could he do this to his children? 

A sob escaped CJ's lips, and she immediately threw her head down against her arms, the tears flooding out of her eyes as she buried her face away, out of sight. 

~*~ 

The White House Residence was silent and dim. CJ had waited until Addy and Riley were in bed before she opened the door to her best friends. Toby and Donna had both come over at once; if CJ had ever needed support, she needed some support tonight. 

Donna returned cautiously to the sofa, carrying the hour's third round of beer out of the kitchen. CJ was sitting Indian-style on the cushions, her casual track pants and gray t-shirt only enhancing her forlorn, pale and unhappy face. 

"Here." Donna handed off the two sweating bottles of beer before she settled beside CJ with a coke. "You two really shouldn't drink much," she warned as an afterthought. "We have to think here." 

Toby twisted the neck of the bottle around in his hand as he tried to keep from staring at CJ. She was quiet, her eyes red from tears that no one had witnessed. She cleared her throat. "I'm really not sure what to do." 

Donna was impressed with the amount of strength that was evident in CJ's voice. Obviously, she was subdued, but in the 3 hours since she had broken the shocking news to her and Toby, Donna had not once seen CJ falter or crack. 

Toby grunted. "I think you need to get the son-of-a-bitch in a room with Katie Witt and ask them both what the fuck they were thinking." 

CJ sucked in her breath as Donna threw a reassuring glance CJ's way. The blonde pursed her lips. "He's got a point - you need to hear him admit to what he's been doing." 

CJ sighed heavily, staring down into her beer. "How do I tell him that I know this?" 

Toby put his hand on CJ's knee. "You just say it. No giveaways, no free lunches. Get it out in the open and then you kick his ass." Toby took his hand away, his voice suddenly rumbling huskily inside of him. "God-damn! I can't believe the filthy bastard would do this to you!" 

CJ shook her head, her voice soft. She felt numb, as if her real emotions were completely detached from her body. All she could do was stare into space and fight for breath. "Toby" 

A long moment of silence passed before Donna spoke up. "They get back from Russia tomorrow, a few days from now, I'll get Katie on the phone and tell her you owe her an interview. We'll make sure that the President is there. Then you…" 

"Yes," Toby agreed vigorously, again tapping CJ's knee to get her attention. He met her bloodshot blue eyes. "You absolutely tear them apart." 

CJ nodded firmly, silently. Her heart had not stopped thundering since Danny had told her that her husband was cheating on her - she was having a hard time processing reality. CJ stood up and found her footing on the rug. "Thanks, guys," she murmured hazily. "I'm going to go to bed." 

Toby and Donna locked eyes as CJ wandered down the hallway towards the bed she'd been sharing with John Hoynes for a decade. Toby shook his head and Donna bit her lip. They had no words, only worries, only questions. 

~*~ 

CJ didn't know what she was going to do when John walked in the door. He was due home any minute - Air Force 1 had landed at Andrew's and the children were sitting in front of the door, waiting to fling themselves at their father the minute he appeared. Addy was moving her fingers over the rug as if she was playing the piano, and Riley was entertaining himself with a tennis ball, but CJ could see their hidden impatience. 

It was evening and dusk was falling over the White House. CJ sat on the sofa, paging through a magazine as she willed her stomach to settle down. She was terrified - not of John, but of her reaction to the news that he'd been having an affair. CJ wanted to wait to confront John; she wanted to do it with Katie in the room. However, CJ wasn't so sure that she was going to be able to hide her emotions when her husband presented himself tonight. The feelings were just too raw; hot tears were constantly on the verge of overflowing. 

The piercing shriek of her four year old girl broke into CJ's thoughts, and when she looked up from her magazine, Addy had already jumped into John's arms. She watched the scene, her heart rate rising as she looked at the lines of her husband's shoulders and imagined someone else slipping her arms around them. Her eyes wandered to John's head and she envisioned Katie Witt running her hands through his thick dark hair. CJ bit back her sickness and her anger, waiting with stony eyes as the children reunited with their father. 

"I missed you too, Princess, and wait 'till you see what Daddy brought you from Russia," John winked leadingly, kissing Addy's nose before setting her back on the ground. He turned to Riley, who was grinning inanely up at his father. John grinned back and pointed a finger at his son. "Did you take care of things while I was gone?" 

Riley nodded widely and confidently. "I was man of the house." 

"Yes you were," John chuckled, ruffling Riley's hair and finally looked across the room to where CJ was still sitting on the sofa. He met her eyes, piercing, blue, and full of knowing. John was startled by her expression; he cleared his throat and briefly glanced down at the children. "Guys, why don't you ah, why don't you go get into your pajamas, and I'll come and tuck you in a few minutes." 

CJ maintained her strong eye contact with John, her confidence, and anger growing by the moment. As Addy and Riley scampered out of the living room, CJ stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. 

John stepped forward and smiled faintly. A bad feeling was beginning to cloud his senses. "Hey, Sweetheart! I missed you; I'm so glad to be home." 

CJ smirked and leveled her eyes as she moved closer to her husband. "No, I don't think so." CJ felt her adrenaline building and she no longer wanted to cry. 

"You don't think so?" John asked curiously, raising a brow. He moved closer to CJ until they were merely a foot apart. "Honey, what's the matter? You're so tense, Claud," he gently noted, reaching for CJ's elbow. 

Before John could touch his wife, CJ wrenched herself away. "Son of a bitch," she growled. "I cannot believe you." 

John stepped back as fear pitted in his stomach; CJ's tone was dangerously low. "What's going on?" he asked, his mouth growing dry. She knew. 

CJ laughed viciously, enjoying the way sweat was beginning to bead at John's temples. "Tell me something, was she good? When you were fucking her, was it worth it? Was it worth it, John?" 

John shifted his eyes nervously. "CJ, I don't know who you've been talking to-" 

"Don't give me any bullshit, John!" CJ warned, her voice rising. "You've been screwing around with Katie Witt! I don't know for how long and I don't care; all I know is that as far as I'm concerned, you've thrown away everything we have together." 

John's jaw dropped, his eyes narrowed and his voice slithered, hissing. The biting, caustic tone that CJ used had managed to quickly make him angry. Before John could think, venom spouted from his mouth. "Not a whole lot, then." 

"Excuse me?" CJ cried, her eyes wide with shock. "Are you kidding me? Ten years and two beautiful children? You say that's not a whole lot? I'm disgusted by you, John, I'm absolutely mortified to say I'm your wife." 

Taken aback by her intensity, John fired back. "Well, for the past six months, you may as well not have been my wife, CJ! Ever since Texas, you've been someone else! I don't even know you anymore!" 

"So that means you sleep with another woman?" CJ yelled, her long arms flinging out. Her tone turned angrily desperate. "How did you not come to me and say, CJ, what's going on? How did you not tell me there were problems!? Christ, John, I thought we had everything!" 

John swallowed; he, too, had thought he and CJ had had everything. But then there were terrible fights when CJ was running her campaign last summer in Texas; when she had lost and returned to Washington, everything changed. CJ immersed herself in motherhood - she'd turned all of her attention to the children. And when Toby moved back to DC to work on CJ's autobiography, everything had really gone to hell; John never saw his wife and when they were together, nothing was the same. There was so much jealousy inside of John and he was sure CJ never noticed. They had stopped making love, and sometimes John wondered if CJ noticed that, too. 

"I mean, what do you have to say for yourself, John?" CJ was screaming. "Is it really supposed to be okay for you to just fuck someone else when you and I are having a rough spot? A rough spot, by the way, that I was completely unaware of! If you wanted to do this to me, you should have at least given me some warning!" 

John clenched his jaw. "Well, it was really nice of *you* to give me some warning before you basically walked out on our life. I never see you! We never talk! You turned into Super Mom and became Toby's little writing buddy! I'm surprised *you two* haven't found your way to a bed one of those times!" 

"Fuck you, John! How dare you make this about Toby and my book!" CJ cried, her voice piercing. "I've never been unfaithful to you one day! Not one day during this marriage and not one day before it! I love you and this is what you do to me!? This is what you do to your children? You go screw someone half your age!" 

"Well, she's got twice your looks," John shot back, instantly aware of how low he was reaching. He was ashamed of everything he'd done, but CJ was making it impossible for him to tell her that. The relationship with Katie meant nothing, but CJ was flinging mud. 

CJ felt her heart shatter, and before she could stop herself, she reached for the crystal vase that was sitting on the end table. Only by a stroke of good timing did John have the sense enough to duck down, and as the vase exploded like a bullet against the wall, both Addy and Riley screamed from down the hall. 

"Mr. President, Mrs. Hoynes! What happened? Is everything okay?" Two agents in black had burst through the door at the sound of the pulverized glass; as a million shards fell and littered the rug, CJ stood frozen in place, both hands over her mouth. 

John was shaken and stunned, but he nodded at the agents, who were slowly becoming aware that this was a fight. The President put his hand out to stop the agents' forward movement. "We're fine. We're fine. Thank you." 

After he watched the agents warily retreat, John nervously turned back to his wife. His intensity had died down, defeat taking its place. "Can we talk without throwing glass? You have to give me a chance to explain." 

"You never gave me one," CJ said quietly, stepping around the sofa, out of the way of her husband. "If you had just once come to me and told me that things were slipping away" 

John swallowed, defeated. "I love you; I never stopped," he offered desperately, panicking as she began to walk out of the room. "No one else, CJ. It was nothing. It meant nothing. Please." 

"Forget it, John." CJ turned her back and headed down the hallway. The children had come out of their rooms and were huddled together, afraid in the middle of the hall. CJ threw John a sad glance. "Just forget it." 

John watched as CJ turned and knelt down before Addy and Riley. Her tone was soft as she spoke to them; he could not hear what she was saying to comfort the children, but John knew it was working. Soon CJ was ushering Addy back into her room, leaving Riley alone in the hallway. 

The intelligent six-year-old nervously shuffled towards John, stopping where the living room met the hall. He eyed his father, and John took a deep breath. "Riley, go back to your room." 

Riley worriedly looked at the rug, covered with a bed of white crystal shards. The sound it made as it crashed against the wall was echoing in the child's head. "Dad, what did you do? Why are you and Mom yelling?" 

John felt his heart skip a beat. He suspected that Riley was in full understanding of what was going on. With a sick stomach, John walked over to Riley and took the boy's shoulders, turning him around. They headed together towards the bedroom. "Don't worry, Son," he said softly, hoping he wasn't lying to his child. "It's okay. Sometimes parents fight and then they make up. Everything is over now." 

As John ushered Riley into his room, CJ came out of Addy's room, the door shut firmly behind her. John locked eyes with his wife, and she offered him a moment of her steel gray eyes before she continued along the hall. John swallowed the lump in his throat and moved into Riley's bedroom. It was time to say goodnight.* 

~*~ 

"CJ?" John said her name softly, walking back into the living room. He had tucked in Riley and gone to the bedroom to shed his suit. Now dressed comfortably in a white undershirt and gray sweats, John was ready to make CJ listen. He was ready to make amends. He couldn't lose her over this, and he wasn't going to allow her to walk away. 

CJ was sitting on the sofa, her posture tense, and straight as an arrow. The agents had removed the glass on the floor, and the housekeeper had just finished vacuuming. John walked around to the sofa and took a seat at the opposite end, hoping that the distance was enough. 

"Darling, please -" he began. 

CJ held up a hand. "I don't think you get to say anything else, John. What could you *possibly* have to say right now? " 

"I'm sorry," John whispered, leaning forward towards his wife. "Here it is; I've made another mistake in my life. Every time I screw up - with the alcohol, with Josh Lyman, with Bartlet - I take a second chance and I try to fix it. Please," he begged desperately. "Don't say this is over." 

"It is, John. This is over. We are over," she enunciated carefully. "I don't need to stay in a marriage that's been wracked apart by infidelity." CJ turned her sharp, angry features on John. Her eyes were red; she'd been crying. 

John felt his heart breaking, and though he had known all along that he was hurting his wife, it now hit him like a ton of bricks. 

He reached forward and took her hand firmly in his. "CJ, please!" John was on the verge of choking. "I love you. I can't lose you because I allowed myself to go too far." 

CJ let her hand remain within John's. "When you were with her - did you ever think about me? Did you ever find the time to remember what it was like for us in the beginning? The love I thought we had for each other? I'm sick to know that you could toss that aside!" 

John shook his head; she didn't know how wrong she was. His voice dropped to a rasp. "Sweetheart, every time I was with her, I closed my eyes and pretended it was you. I always wanted it to be you." 

CJ felt her throat close up; the hot tears spilled onto her cheeks with no warning, and before CJ could control herself, she was crying unabated. "It's not good enough," she sputtered through tears. Taking her hand away from John's, CJ wiped furiously at her eyes and stood up. 

"CJ, you have to let me fix this. You have to give us a chance," John pleaded, kneeling on the sofa as she moved out of the room. "Think about the kids, CJ!" 

She spun around, her face full of sadness. "I am thinking about the kids, John." 

~*~ 

John walked into Addy's dim room. The four-year-old was curled into her bed, fast asleep and lost in a sea of pink sheets. Her hair framed her pretty face, and John felt his heart swell up at the sight of her little thumb in her mouth. Her other hand clutched at a worn blanket, and as John sat down on the mattress beside her, Addy shifted and murmured in her sleep. 

John brushed aside some of the girl's unruly curls before lightly stroking her soft cheek with his fingers. CJ was right; these children deserved a better father. For a moment, John watched his daughter sleep as he wallowed in self-pity. Quickly it passed, though guilt over his actions remained strong. 

Katie had made the first move, and John had done nothing to stop it. The snow day, John remembered, and he'd grumbled all morning about giving her an interview. He'd been sitting in the Oval Office behind his desk and Katie in the chair beside him, just feet away. She'd been asking him about all kinds of things when the questions turned personal. She was interested in the children, their school, their happiness, and health. Then CJ. How is CJ? How are things going? John had jumped at the chance to spill his guts to someone who seemed interested; he told her all about CJ's distance, about her complete personality shift, and how his wife never seemed to care. 

That's crazy, Katie had declared with a wink in her eye. It'd be impossible not to care about you. And then she had kissed him, soft and sweet, slow and sensuous. Before John knew what was happening, he was ushering her into his private study. Before he could stop himself, he was shoving her up against the wall and pushing her panties aside. Before John could get a grip on reality, he was having sex with Katie Witt, and it hadn't stopped at just once. It hadn't stopped at all. 

As Addy rolled over onto her stomach, John snapped out of his reminiscence. It was wrong; it had all been a mistake, an unsatisfying solution to momentary instability in his marriage. CJ was the only one John could ever love; being with Katie had been about nothing more than power and attention. And now he was staring at the sleeping form of his little girl, wondering if and when it was all going to be taken away. 

John carefully stood up, gently as not to disturb Addy. He slipped out of the room and headed for the master bedroom. CJ would just have to listen. She would understand when she was less crazy, and from this moment on, there was nothing John wouldn't do to make his wife happy. She was going to see just how much he loved her, and she wasn't going to be able to ignore the fact that she loved him, too. 

John reached for the door, confidence rising inside of him. It would be okay, in time. He tried the handle, alarmed that it did not move. He tried again, jiggling the stiff knob, his heart sinking. CJ had locked the door, and she wasn't planning to open it again. 

~*~ 

Donna chewed on her lower lip as she stood over CJ's desk. "So you want me to get Katie up here at some point today?" 

CJ was flipping through phone messages. Three of them were from John, and it was only ten minutes after nine in the morning. CJ sighed. "Yeah. I want to talk to her. Don't tell her why, obviously." 

"Is there going to be yelling?" Donna asked, twisted her mouth. 

CJ smirked. "No, I got that out of my system last night." 

"I heard you broke a vase," Donna dropped her voice, her lips curling up. 

CJ looked up, surprised. "You talked to the Secret Service?" 

Donna nodded. "Bobby told me - he said his agents were totally shocked when they realized that you'd thrown something at the President." 

CJ chuckled wryly, disgustedly. "Don't mess with me." 

Donna smiled nervously and then stood in place, silent for a moment. She was biding her time, wondering how to say this. Finally, she spoke with softness in her tone. "Listen, CJ, I talked to Josh. His firm has a lot of excellent, reputable divorce lawyers. I can get you names and numbers if you -" 

CJ held up a finger. The idea of separating from John was not hard to imagine - the legal reality of a divorce was hard and startling. "One thing at a time. But thank you." 

Donna walked out of the room and CJ felt her stomach churn. She was putting on a confident air; CJ knew she looked together and calm. On the inside, she was afraid and sick, worried and sad. A piece of CJ wanted to forget about John's infidelity, but her pride would not let her. She was above that; she was above a marriage that had been broken. She would just have to be strong and get through. 

~*~ 

The President walked into Bruce's office without warning. Bruce, Sam, and all of the aides at the meeting instantly jumped to their feet at the President's sudden appearance. 

"Good morning," John nodded all around, his tired eyes landing on Bruce. "I need to speak with you. And with Sam." 

Bruce nodded. "Everyone, can we please have the room? Thank you." 

After the staff aides cleared out, John sat down on Bruce's couch, while Sam took the easy chair and Bruce remained behind his desk. The husky man cleared his throat. "What's on your mind, Sir?" 

John looked at his hands, the light catching his wedding band. He looked up. "Well, this may come as a surprise to you, but I felt it was necessary to tell you both, especially since at some point there is going to be public reaction to it." 

Sam's eyes were curious, but he said nothing, waiting for the President to speak at his own pace. Bruce's expression was smirking. "Please don't give me something that needs serious PR control. I'm right in the middle of finding a new press secretary, John." 

John sighed and rolled his eyes. "I know that, Bruce, but I don't put the press office into the equation every time I make a decision." 

Bruce cocked his head. "You ought to do that, Sir. The press office is important." 

John fidgeted. "Look, forget about the press office. This thing happened, and while it was entirely my fault, I didn't exactly use my head or otherwise make plans for dealing with it. I never thought I'd have to." 

"Sir, what's going on?" Sam gave the issue a gentle nudge, aware that the President was seriously uncomfortable. 

John looked right into Sam's eyes. "It's my wife. I'm pretty sure she's going to be asking me for a divorce. At the very least, we'll be separating." 

The room was silent. Bruce looked appalled, and Sam was expressionless. The President cleared his throat, uncomfortably looking away. "The last thing I want is for her to leave, but she's not interested in what I have to say." 

Sam pursed his lips, trying to think of the most respectful way to ask his question. "If I can ask, Sir, why is CJ thinking about leaving?" 

John sighed and looked at the ceiling. He was very much aware of Bruce's cold and stony expression. "Well, I might as well be honest now - once she files the papers, and speaks to the media, it will all be out there." John looked at his most trusted staffers, swallowing the lump in his throat. "There's been some infidelity on my part, and CJ found out after-" 

Bruce cut John off by slamming his fist down on the desk, jolting everyone in the room. "I knew it! I knew there was something fishy happening. Damn-it, John! How do you do this to us!?" 

John stood up and put his hands up in the air. "Settle down, Bruce." 

"No! I will not settle down! First of all" Bruce angrily stood up while Sam looked on, shocked at the exchange happening in this office. To Bruce, John was no longer the President. "First of all, where do I even start? The PR nightmare? The children! How could you do that to them? And CJ? You don't know how goddamn lucky you are to have her! You ought to be counting your blessings every day that a woman like CJ ever looked at you twice!" 

John was quiet when he spoke. "I know." He dropped his eyes and shook his head. "There was a lot going on between us. I just wasn't thinking one day. I knew it was wrong but-" 

"It's Katie Witt, isn't it?" Sam softly interjected, the wheels in his brain turning. 

Both John and Bruce turned to look at Sam. John cleared his throat. "You heard a rumor?" 

Sam's eyes were telling. John looked away. 

Bruce was sick. "A reporter? John, my God!" 

John drew himself up to full height; it was time for him to take back some of the control. "Bruce, save it. Now, while I try to save my marriage, could you please make plans for handling the press? I don't know when, but the time will certainly come." 

Bruce took a deep breath and held John's eyes for a long moment. Finally, he dropped his gaze, disappointed in his best friend. "Yes, Mr. President." 

"Thank you," John said. Passing Sam, the President nodded before heading back into the Oval Office. 

Sam stared into space, waiting for Bruce to simmer. Bruce sat down behind his desk, his face hard as stone. Eventually, the Chief-of-Staff cleared his throat. His voice was rough and angry. "Sam, make plans. Talk to whom you have to talk to. Get ready. This is going to be a big one, and it's not going to be pretty." * 

~*~ 

"CJ, please, don't say anything" Katie began, her expression full of contrition as she strode into the office. Her arm was outstretched, her eyes nervous as she approached the First Lady, the wife of her lover. "I'm nothing if not embarrassed." 

CJ remained calmly in her chair, relaxed behind her desk. It was taking all of the First Lady's willpower to remain nonchalant, but her strategy had a purpose. "Sit down, Katie." 

The young, blonde reporter nervously took a seat. She fidgeted with her security badge, having expected heat and anger from CJ Cregg-Hoynes. The First Lady's calm demeanor was intensely unsettling. "I'm sorry," Katie swallowed, meeting CJ's strong eyes for merely a fraction of a second. 

CJ pursed her lips. "So am I. But that's not the point. I asked to see you because I want to know what you're planning to do." 

Katie took a shaky, deep breath and leaned slightly forward, fear pooling in her veins. This was the hardest conversation the blonde had ever had. "I…I don't understand, I'm sorry. What do you mean, 'planning to do'?" 

CJ smiled harshly. Watching Katie squirm was almost enjoyable. "You've been sleeping with my husband for I don't know how long. I was just wondering what you were planning to do with your experiences. It'd be a compelling piece of journalism," CJ sneered. 

"CJ-" Katie began. 

"Mrs. Hoynes," CJ fired back, correcting the young woman with a quick wave of her index finger. "You may have forgotten, but he actually is still married to me. For now, that is." 

Katie's face turned a paler shade of white as she choked on her words. "Yes, Ma'am. I mean, no! No, I didn't forget. I mean, I didn't really - I never meant to...I wouldn't…I'm not going to write about it, no. I swear!" 

CJ narrowed her eyes at the reporter and snorted rudely. She didn't believe of a word of Katie's stumbled attempts at reassurance. "No, of course you're not going to write about what you did in the bedroom. I know I certainly have no interest in hearing about that. What I really want to know is if he told you things. State information, political plans, journalistic things that your editor would be interested in - what do you know, Katie, that you aren't supposed to know?" 

CJ's anger was quiet and dangerous, though self-interest was hidden under the guise of attack. CJ was asking if Katie would ever be blackmailing John Hoynes, and by association, his wife. Katie swallowed her shock and shook her head. She didn't know how to respond. 

CJ smiled benevolently, a sharp, leading glint in her tone. "Just tell me what he told you, Katie. I know my husband. He doesn't turn down the opportunity to impress a woman." 

Katie let the bitterness in CJ's voice slide around her ears; the young reporter shivered at the warped situation she found herself in. When she began sleeping with the President, Katie never thought she would end up face to face with his wife. It was a stupid, foolish, and ultimately wrong assumption. "He told me that there was life on Mars," Katie murmured, looking down at her lap. 

Without letting her guard down, CJ raised a brow. "What?" Katie looked up at CJ, her heart thudding in her chest. Guilt was clouding the young woman's senses as she briefly imagined the pain her actions had caused the First Lady. Pulling herself together, she took a deep breath. Katie's voice did not sound like her own. "John…I mean, the President told me that the White House and the DOD had recently classified a report stating that life was found on Mars. He also told me other things - deals that had been cut to appropriate more computers and money in exchange for…" Katie stopped suddenly, realizing that she probably shouldn't continue. 

"Life on Mars?" CJ softly repeated, a hint of wonder in her voice. Her tone grew sad and her eyes clouded over. "Maybe I can move there." 

Katie's heart dropped down to her stomach and she let her eyes wander uncomfortably around the plush office. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I am. And I promise you I'm not going to write about it." 

"Sure you will," CJ murmured, her demeanor full of defeat. She was no longer angry, no longer in attack mode. Her tone was sad. "You'll win a Pulitzer. Just try not to let it get out that you had to sleep your way into that information." 

Katie flushed red with embarrassment as she stood up. Formally, she nodded her head at the First Lady. "Please accept my apology. I never intended to hurt anyone, least of all you and your children." 

"But you did," CJ responded drolly. 

Katie nodded slowly, her eyes unwilling to meet CJ's. "Yes. I've lost your respect, and I'm more upset about that than anything. I've always admired you so much." 

"Then why did you do what you did?" CJ asked, looking up at Katie with wet eyes. 

Katie felt her chest thundering with emotion. CJ had been such a wonderful Press Secretary, and an even better First Lady. No one, but least of all CJ, deserved what Katie had caused. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't know how to answer that. All I can tell you is that I'm very sorry. " 

CJ nodded, no longer interested in the answer. It didn't matter and it never would. "Okay. Thanks for coming to see me." 

Katie felt as though her entire soul was being torn from her chest. She had made a bad decision - so had John Hoynes - and now only the aftermath of their actions remained. Katie was not proud of what she had done, and the devastation apparent in CJ's eyes was not lost on the young reporter. Images flashed through Katie's mind at a rapid-fire pace, and as she slowly left the office, choices were whirling around in her mind. 

CJ ran her hand through her hair as she allowed the burning sensation in her eyes to take over. Her husband had made love to the woman walking out of her office; Katie had taken an active part in tearing a part CJ's marriage. What had once been disgusting and horrifying now melted sadly inside of CJ's brain. Thoughts swirled slowly and unnaturally, over and over again, unabated until Katie spun around. When she spoke, her words rushed together hastily. "I'm not going to write about it, CJ. About the affair, about deals, about life on Mars…any of it. I'm turning in my press pass tomorrow morning." 

CJ's mind stopped all of a sudden, and clarity reigned. The older woman raised her chin, working to remain expressionless. Her jaw dropped only slightly before CJ realized that she was at a loss for what to say. 

Katie nodded, her eyes wandering to the floor. "I think it would be for the best." 

CJ pursed her lips, regaining both her anger and her composure as she met Katie's gaze. CJ shook her head, gritted her teeth, and straightened her shoulders. "There are so many awful, mean things I want to say to you right now, Katie. So many things. But nothing would adequately convey the enormity of what this is to me. So, I'm going to agree and say that it would be best if you did turn in your press pass. Count your blessings that you *can* walk away from the mess you made. We don't all get so lucky." 

Katie swallowed and nodded, spinning around before CJ could see the tears in her eyes. Without looking back, the reporter exited the office, only to find herself alone in the office lobby. As CJ's door clicked quietly shut behind her, Katie exhaled a deep, heavy breath. 

The confrontation with CJ had been sheer torture, invalidating any of the former reasons Katie had used to justify her affair with John Hoynes. Nothing was worth seeing the plain and obvious hurt that was currently ripping through the First Lady. But there was life on Mars, Katie snorted as she began to make her way out of the East Wing. There was life on Mars. 

~*~ 

CJ sat alone in her office, watching the window while the late afternoon sun began to change color. Brighter yellows faded into orange and eventually, CJ knew, a deep purple would set in right before darkness fell. 

Turning away from the shades, CJ took a deep breath and picked up the telephone. Hitting an extension that she knew by memory, CJ cradled the phone between her head and shoulder. While the line rang in her ear, she reached for a framed photograph of Riley and Addison. An involuntary smile crossed the First Lady's lips as she traced their happy, smiling faces with her finger. 

"Oval Office." 

CJ jolted and replaced the frame, clearing her throat. "Janine, it's Mrs. Hoynes." 

"I'll put you immediately through, Ma'am." 

A sharp click followed, and after a brief moment, CJ found herself with John's tentative but hopeful voice in her ear. "Claudia? Hi, Sweetheart, I didn't think you were going to return my calls." 

CJ swallowed. "How come you never told me there was life on Mars?" 

John paused, silence wafting over the line. He responded with a voice dressed in sadness. "Because you never gave me the chance." 

CJ nodded, her eyes watering. "Are there other things you want to tell me?" 

John's voice was rough and raspy. "Want to and need to." 

CJ fought her tears with a cough. She clutched the phone tightly. "If I give you that chance now, will you be honest?" 

"I promise you," John instantly responded, his voice lifting. "We can talk all night." 

CJ's fought emotion as she swiped at her eyes. "Yes. Yes, we can, John." 

"I love you, CJ." 

CJ swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'll see you later," she whispered, dropping the phone back into the cradle. Burying her face in her hands, CJ took a deep breath. Her tears were flowing freely, and though she was both hesitant and afraid, CJ no longer doubted the wisdom of second chances. 


End file.
